


Part of Me

by mushten



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Fluff, Heavy Angst, M/M, Romance, Soulmate AU, Soulmates, Supernatural (kinda), jaeten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-06-26 20:20:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15670581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mushten/pseuds/mushten
Summary: Jaehyun never thought he'd meet his soulmate who is just as metaphysical as love





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello~ I am back with another fic but this time it's dedicated for my beloved otp! This was supposed to be a oneshot but I thought that maybe it would be better if I divide it by parts since I got quite carried away lmao. This is the first M/M pairing and jaeten fic I have ever written so I hope it's not that bad :( Please let me know what you think! I would like to happily dedicate this to all my co-jaeten stans. This isn't great but I still hope you'd enjoy reading this ❤️

Growing up, I have heard of so many make-believe stories which groomed me to be dubious of almost everything. Anything that I have never seen or experienced myself, to put it simply, was pure fiction to me. To name a specific example, perhaps one of them was when someone told me how I'm going to meet my soulmate.

Or at least, that's how I understood it.

I never believed in such a thing—at least with the manner how one would be able to figure out that this certain someone is their other half. Unfortunately in my universe, unlike those fiction stories my ridiculous friends have persuaded me to read, writing on your skin won't leave the same mark on your soulmate's skin. It's absurd. If my soulmate is the type who would constantly forget about carrying a notepad with him or her, my skin would probably be filled with scribbles of dates and to-do lists everyday. Although on the contrary, it's possible that my other half can be like Taeyong hyung—a total clean freak. Which would mean my skin would forever be scribbled-free. The only downside is that if I was living in that universe where skin communication—or whatever you call it—was possible, a soulmate like my hyung won't even leave me clues.

That started bothering me ever since I met an old lady while I was on my way home from school. I was 17 that time. I remember that day, a pretty  _awful_  one to be specific, since my exam results were worse than the last semester. It was a big thing for me as I was trying to at least keep my rank of being the 3rd in my batch, and the pressure from my father wasn't a least bit motivating at all.

I was wallowing in self pity when someone suddenly blocked my path and touched my arm. I would've normally snapped and cursed given with the kind of mood I was in; grumpy, frustrated but completely clueless on how to relieve the stress when I was too mentally drained to do anything at all. How bad can that be.

But surprisingly, I was calm.

Sad approaching borderline numb if that was a better description.

The old lady begged for food, which at that moment I didn't have, although from a few meters away, I was aware that there was a convenience store that sells small packed meals for 3, 000 won. And maybe the sadness I was feeling stirred and amplified the feeling of empathy within me.

I told the old lady to wait for me on that same spot, jogged towards the convenience store and grabbed the last stock of the meal I was planning on buying. At least fate still showed a bit of sympathy to me when it left me that last piece.

The moment I walked out of the store, I spotted the lady sitting on the edge of a flower box, her frail arms wrapped around her knees as if she was trying to keep herself warm. When she saw me, she flashed a crooked smile that delivered an unspoken feeling of gratitude. At that moment I felt warmth bloom inside my chest, but more so regret that I couldn't offer that much to her.

_"Please take this."_ I remember my 17-year old self tell her, and she bowed and received it with her wrinkled, shaky hands.

She reminded me of my grandmother, which was probably the main reason why I hesitated to leave her immediately, but I thought that there was no other reason for me to stay. I was about to turn my heel and leave when she lightly touched my arm again, and what she said next surprised me.

_"Son, don't allow the loneliness to control and take away your happiness. Soon, you will meet your other half, and that person will fill up that void within you. Just keep doing what you love, keep fighting for it no matter how much other people would speak against it, and that connection will find its way to you."_

I was too stunned to move, too confused to even properly process what she said. It was all too sudden. How could she have possibly known there was that sense of emptiness within me?

She mumbled a "thank you" and slowly disappeared at the corner of the building, and before I could even find my voice again and ask what she meant, she vanished and was nowhere to be seen, which made me even more confused than I already was.

I never believed in prophecies, predictions, fortune-telling, palm reading or anything of that sort.

But after that encounter, there was something within me that shifted.

What she said sounded vague and general, and she could have just said it to anyone else.

But for me? I didn't know why my gut feeling was telling me otherwise. It just sounded so personal.  _Felt_  so personal. As if she knew what I would've wanted to hear and I just didn't realize it.

Maybe, just maybe, that encounter made me slightly anticipate that there's really someone out there who's destined to complete me.

After all, believing wouldn't really make me lose anything, would I?


	2. i.

"Jae, you're not touching your food."

I blinked once, twice and thrice before I realized I was staring into space and my mother called me out of my trance.

"Sorry, I just—I didn't get much sleep last night."

"Because of your case study am I right?" I heard my father retorted, his tone smug. He had always been against me pursuing the medical field and I couldn't count how many times we argued about it.

"If only you took up business in college and followed my advice, you would've been done studying and earning your own money by now."

Here we go again.

"We've been through this dad I'm not quitting med school." I replied bluntly as I picked a piece of beef from the serving plate and scooped a spoonful of rice to my mouth.

I saw him shake his head from my peripheral view before he wiped his mouth and dragged his chair backwards. I must've pissed him off again or he was really done eating, but either way I couldn't care less.

You see, I was never really in good terms with my father ever since I was young; his authoritarian manner of upbringing deprived me of the moral support I needed from a father. He had always wanted me to take over our wine business but the idea of having to speak with several high status men and foreigners just to talk about wines, build ties and have negotiations with them that involves a lot of sugarcoated conversations never appealed to me. My mother and grandmother were the only ones who showed me their support the moment I realized what I really wanted to become in the future. And before my grandmother died, she made me promise that I will continue to pursue my dream despite how much my father would oppose to it.

At the very least, my father still funded my tuition fee with the help of my mother's persuasion. Other than that, he barely showed me support in other forms. I was able to live through that for 6 years ever since I started college.

I would normally feel unfazed by his presence, but at that moment, I felt suffocated. I finished the rest of my food and stood up, grabbed my scarf and coat and kissed my mother's temple.

"You're done? But you barely ate anything." I heard her say.

"I'm just going to drop by Johnny's house to get some papers." I lied. I didn't look at her direction, but if I did I knew she would see through me and know I wasn't in my best mood. She worries too much and I didn't want her to worry about anything at all.

"I'm taking Coco with me by the way. I'll be back before twilight."  


 

 

* * *

  


 

It was quite sunny when I came out, and the air was still and it wasn't raining snow. I breathed a sigh of relief the moment I reached my destination as I found peace at the sight of the city below me; the soft sound of cars honking at the distance filled my ears.

This place had always been my favorite spot to go to whenever I want to have momentary peace alone.

Eventually, it became my safe haven ever since my family transferred to live in this city. Like a tree house for kids. It's not extremely hidden but no one really comes here and stays, especially during wintertime. A few trees surround this spot too, which somehow kept me hidden from any passerby.

I sat on the huge flat stone and patted the space beside me, which Coco immediately perched on, the space enough to cover more than half of his long body.

Everything for a moment felt so peaceful.

Really just for a moment.

Approximately about 5 minutes?

And then I heard a sound.

A very distinct one.

Who would have known that the events that would take place after I sat on that stone with my dog would become a huge turning point in my life?

I was busy scrolling through my phone to pick a song to play when I heard someone clear his throat, and I almost threw my phone away from shock, the stranger's sudden presence also triggered Coco to start barking.

I swerved to look behind my back and saw a boy standing just a few feet away from me, his hair black and skin pale. I found it strange that he was only wearing a short sleeved dress shirt and a pair of jeans, although that wasn't what caught my attention the most.

I would have to admit his features struck me the most when he is probably the most beautiful male I have ever seen in my entire life. It was one thing to hear someone clear his throat out of nowhere and one more thing to actually see who made the sound.

And a very handsome stranger at that.

He was eyeing me as if he just saw an anomaly before him, the crease in between his eyes hinting the confusion he felt.

Confusion because of what? I didn't really know. I might have been equally confused to find someone else in that spot, and more so when I didn't hear the crunching sound of footsteps beforehand.

"How did you hear that?" I heard the stranger say, his voice too soft I barely got to pick it up.

I gulped before I replied to him. "Uh... you mean when you cleared your throat?"

The question sounded so stupid to me but I felt relieved when he actually nodded slowly, yet he was still looking at me suspiciously.

"Um. Why would I not?"

He hesitantly took a few steps towards my direction until he was directly in front of me, his advances making me slowly tilt my body away from him as far as my position could allow me.

He's really,  _really_  very strange.

"Can you see me?" Weird boy waved his hands in front of my face frantically, and I was afraid that at any second he would hit my face.

"Of course I could! Are you crazy?"

At that, he stood up straight again and tilted his head to the side. I really did think he's cute but my initial thought was that if this man just escaped from a mental institution I wouldn't have second thoughts of handing him back to where he came from.

"Sorry. It's just my first time seeing someone here." He muttered sheepishly. It surprised me how high-pitched and chirpy his voice sounded, and he had this certain accent that I couldn't exactly identify.

He's really odd. But maybe not crazy odd like I initially thought.

"Do you live near here?" He asked while glancing at me sideways.

"Me?"

"No I was asking your dog." He rolled his eyes and a small laugh slipped from his lips. "Of course I was asking you."

"Oh sorry I mean—yes I do."

I bit on my lips to stop myself from smiling out of embarrassment, and perhaps, as much as I hate to admit, I found the sound of his laugh adorable too.

Coco beside me was quietly gazing at him from where he sat, his tail wagging back and forth to my surprise. He already stopped barking, and I wondered what made him take his guard down so fast. I reckoned that he is probably a dog whisperer, and I didn't really doubt the possibility when he simply radiated that pleasant and calming aura.

"Do you live near too?"

He shook his head.

"No. But I found this place with a friend before. Sometimes I come here with him, but there are times I come here alone too..." He paused. "...when I'm sad that is."

I frowned when I heard the last sentence he added, considering that he's actually alone at that moment.

"So is it one of those days?"

"Hmm... you can say that." He gently combed his fringe away from his face and turned to me, his lips already forming a bright smile.

"Anyways enough about me. What brings you here?" He inquired. "I'm Ten by the way. And before you ask, yes like the number. You can stop referring to me as Mr. Stranger or whatever you have in mind."

I laughed at his rather amusing introduction. "You're funny. I'm impressed you read through me."

"Well..." He shrugged, a playful self satisfied expression shown on his face as he rested on one of the stones beside Coco.

"I'm Jaehyun." I smiled. "And well uh... I guess you can say that I share the same emotion as you."

"Oh. That's pretty depressing for an introduction." Ten frowned. "Wanna talk about it?"

It was strange at how I immediately felt at ease around him, his casual invitation for me to spill whatever burdens I have on my plate had my defensive walls crumbling down just like that.

Maybe I could use his company now that he's here, I quietly thought to myself. To tell him about the unhealthy relationship I have with my father wouldn't really make me lose anything anyway.

I kept the story brief but comprehensive, and Ten in response nodded from time to time as if to silently imply that he was still with me. Seeing how his eyebrows were slightly scrunched and his mouth was set into a thin line, I took it as a sign that he was listening to me intently, and perhaps, even feeling sorry for me.

It felt incredibly good the moment I finished telling him how I felt all this time. I was breathless after realizing that I have already said everything I wanted to take out of my chest, and I glanced at him to observe how he took everything in.

"I'm sorry to hear that. It must've been really hard for you." He pulled one of his legs close to his chest and nested his chin on his knee. "But I do admire you for bravely fighting for what you really wanted. Handling a business like that of your father's never appealed to me either—as a main track that is. If I had the same determination and enthusiasm as yours when it comes to my academics back when I was still studying, I might have considered med school too. Unfortunately, I can't keep my ass in place. I like moving around."

I laughed. "What was your major back in college? Or are you still studying?"

"I graduated 3 years ago and took up architecture actually." Ten grinned. "I like moving around but I'm into arts too. Drawing and dancing are two of the things I'm most passionate about. My mother once told me that when I was in nursery I drew on the walls of my classroom and the teacher called for her but they can't really reprimand me severely when I was only 3. But really, can they punish a boy this cute?"

He batted his eyelashes and pouted cutely, the sudden attack almost knocking me off the rock when it caught me off guard.

I would normally scoff at someone's narcissism yet there I was with a flushed face, and I knew at any second he would notice the color on my cheeks and ears.

I cleared my throat and breathed out a shaky laugh, but relief washed over me when he didn't seem to notice and remained oblivious of it.

"What's pushing you to pursue this field?" He suddenly asked. His eyes were fondly staring at Coco but I knew he was still listening to me, and so I proceeded answering him even if he wasn't looking at me.

"Perhaps there are three reasons why?"

He hummed. "And what are they?"

"I want to help the sick of course. The fulfillment you get when someone under your care recovers is priceless. The thought always touched me. A simple thank you from a patient and knowing that you were able to do something to prolong their life is beyond any gain I could ever imagine."

He continued listening with his eyes focused on me, and I found it cute how his lips were slightly parted while doing so.

"The second one... well I promised my grandmother before she died that I wouldn't give up on this dream. It's as simple as it is. And for the last reason... you might find it weird but..." I momentarily paused to create a thrilling effect, which earned me a weird look from him.

"It's because of a prophecy. Or whatever you call it. An old lady I encountered before said I would meet my other half if I continue to hold on to my dreams."

Ten suddenly sat upright, the spark of interest obvious on his face. "What? That's so vague it really makes a lot of things possible to happen. Doesn't sound like a prophecy at all." His mouth twitched and his eyes rolled to stare upwards, as if he was trying to remember something. "But I do believe everyone has a soulmate."

"The thought was sort of absurd to me before to be honest." I chuckled. "But the timing she said that made me consider that maybe I really do have a soulmate. She practically didn't even know me yet the things she told me felt really personal. She knew I was feeling lonely and there was that void within me. Well up until now it's still there. It's possible I might be only longing for my father's validation but it really didn't feel like it was the puzzle piece she was referring to."

I watched as Ten stood up and placed his hands inside his jean's pockets, his back facing me as he stared at the city below us. I shivered as the air started to pick up, and I gazed at my wristwatch to check on the time. I didn't realize it was already 3 in the afternoon and time passed by so quickly. No wonder it was starting to get cold as the night was fast approaching.

After talking with him a bit more, I discovered that Ten is actually thai and that he came to Korea 4 years ago. It turned out that he's older than me by a year which was surprising, considering how young he looked like.

I listened to him as he did most of the talking, but through it all it entertained me to hear him talk about his life as if he never got to tell those stories to a single soul before. The more I spoke with him, the more I was able to see how funny and cheeky he naturally is, and he had that habit of throwing his head forward every time he would laugh. He told me about the dance crew he was in as well, and I asked him if he could show me a freestyle dance but he refused and said he'll show me someday if we ever see each other again. I frowned at the thought that it may be our first and last meeting. Needless to say I greatly enjoyed his company, and he relieved that sadness I was feeling like a happy pill. I never expected that going to my favorite spot would provide me greater comfort than I was hoping for.

A few more hours past and I noticed it was already getting darker, and the chill in the air was harder to ignore. I stood up and shook my body to momentarily get rid of the cold I was feeling. Strangely, Ten seemed okay, and I asked him if he doesn't even feel a least bit cold, but he shook his head and said he has high tolerance for low temperatures.

"Will you be here again soon?" He asked me when I told him I already have to go back for dinner. I felt a tinge of sadness well up inside my chest the moment I bade him farewell, and maybe, deep inside I secretly wished that Ten would tell me I'll be able to find him there again soon.

"It depends." I chuckled. "Will you be here?"

I mentally slapped myself as my words came out like I was flirting with him, but he didn't seem to mind (or he just didn't see it that way) when he showed me his widest smile, and it left me momentarily stunned seeing how it made him look more beautiful than he already was.

"I'm always here. It would be nice if we get to see each other again. Maybe I can finally show you a freestyle dance then." He gave me a wink.

"Sounds good. Same time?"

"Yup."

"I have classes until 7pm every Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, so I can only visit here at the remaining days of the week."

He stayed quiet for awhile as if he was trying to register a new information, and then his eyes landed on Coco before he spoke. "I—uh I do have dance workshop during those days too. So it's good. Our schedules... they're not conflicting."

"Alright then. You take care hyung. It's getting late, you should go home too."

I was about to pat his back but he abruptly took a step backward. It confused me even more when he muttered an apology under his breath but still flashed a smile that didn't seem to reach his eyes.

Or maybe I was overthinking.

I pushed all the thoughts away and simply bowed at him instead. With one last wave, I pulled Coco with his leash and started jog back to my house.


	3. ii.

On the same night I dreamt about Ten.

It was like my mind was conscious that I was looking forward to see him dance that I actually saw him dance in my dream. It's funny how my brain seemed more impatient than I was it couldn't wait till Tuesday. And so after he danced to Lemon by N.E.R.D and Rihanna in my dream, I could say that I pretty much had an idea of how amazing of a dancer he is, assuming that my dream didn't only invent that part of him.

Monday past by quickly and there I was again with the boy who was only a stranger to me 2 days ago. He was noticeably wearing the same shirt and shoes, and I wondered if it was his favorite outfit. But before I could even ask him, he told me that it's his favorite pair to wear whenever he's only strolling around by himself.

"Oh I was supposed to ask this before, but do you have any significant other?" Ten asked me while we were walking along the perimeter of the park. He kept a noticeable distance between us but I didn't think too much about it. I was still half a stranger to him anyway so it was understandable.

"I'm actually seeing someone, but I don't think it'll eventually turn serious."

"Oh. Why not?"

"We don't perfectly click, that's what I think. She's beautiful, kind and all, but I feel like she's not really the one for me."

He frowned and bit on his lower lip. "But how much does she like you? Won't it hurt her if you tell her that?"

I stopped on my tracks and gazed at my feet. What he said hit me. I never got to ask how she really felt about me and I didn't want to hurt her.

"I'm sorry— I shouldn't have asked that." Ten apologized and winced.

"No no it's okay. You have a point. I never asked how she really felt about me. We've been seeing each other for a month, but I feel like nothing is really progressing between us."

He went quiet for a moment. "Did you meet her in med school?"

"Yeah."

"So does that mean she doesn't feel like the person the old lady was referring to?"

"I... yeah I think so."

I felt guilty for thinking that Hyejin wasn't really the one for me. It seemed too early to believe in what my feelings were telling me, and I was afraid that what the old lady said was mainly the reason why I was jumping into conclusions.

But then I realized, I didn't exactly know how long it would take before that connection finds me. What if she's really the one who would complement me but I gave up on knowing her better too soon? A part of me still wanted to believe in the possibility that there's still something I had to discover about her and through that, something deeper will bloom between us.

I thought that maybe I just needed to put more effort.

Feeling a bit more enthusiastic and motivated, I told Ten that I'd give it another month and eventually ask her how she feels about us, and so I did.

The next day, I asked her out for dinner at this newly opened restaurant along the stretch of Han River. To my relief, not a lot of people were dining out during that day as it was on a Wednesday evening. We talked more about our interests and her family, and I remember her giggling when I told her that I used to dream of becoming a DJ when I was 9.

Another date in an amusement park followed that, then another one in a dog cafe. I figured that she isn't much of a dog person and preferred cats instead, and she said that she'd probably only adopt a cat once she gets married.

Everything went well, that was a good thing. But a month passed by quickly, and much to my disappointment, the results I was hoping for didn't come.

Although if there was anything I gained from it, I felt closer to her as a friend but not as a romantic partner. Eventually, I asked her how she truly felt about us, and it gave me relief when she said that she couldn't seem put her head into the thought of getting into a serious relationship anytime soon. Hyejin admitted that her fondness for me grew for the past 2 months, but apologized when she said that it "didn't feel like love quite yet." I of course told her that an apology wasn't necessary, as I never intended to impose something that didn't bloom from its natural course. And likewise, I shared the same sentiments as her.

And so to cut the story short, we called it off but remained as friends.

Ten snorted when he heard of my story.

It had been almost 3 months ever since I met him and coming to my favorite spot (which Ten named as the "King Ten and Peasant Jaehyun's fortress") every other day became like a part of my routine by then.

"Don't ever marry someone who doesn't want a dog in your home. That's the moral of the story." He shook his head and had that look of disapproval on his face.

I laughed at how petty his reasoning was even though I knew he was only kidding. Although when I thought about it, I realized I also couldn't even consider the idea of not having Coco with me when I've had him way longer than I have known most of my friends.

"Coco and Ten first. Relationships second." Ten gave me a creepy smile.

"The fuck hyung what was that look for." I was about to wack his head with the empty water bottle I was holding but he quickly scrambled to his feet and dodged my attack.

"Don't even attempt to hit my precious head. It's worth more than your whole being and existence." He playfully rolled his eyes and crossed his arms across his chest.

"Yeah whatever you say boss." I couldn't even think of a comeback and so I just went along with it.

"Oh by the way."

He stood on top of the stone he was sitting on a minute ago and grinned at me, a look of excitement plastered on his face. "I'd like to show you a freestyle dance."

"Wow." I gave out an exaggerated reaction of shock. "After 3 months? Finally?"

"Yeah. It's my birthday so I want to spend today with a blast." He giggled.

"Wait. Hold on." I gaped at him and stared at his face incredulously, which earned me a confused look from him. I felt stupid and guilty for not knowing about his birthday beforehand. "Today is your birthday?"

"Uh huh. What about it?"

"You never told me."

"Err... you never asked me?"

"I— I'm sorry. I should've asked you and I would've gotten you something."

"No oh my god Jaehyun you don't even have to." He face shrunk a bit but he gave me a smile afterwards, the soft look in his eyes seem like he was about to say something sentimental.

It had been 3 months ever since I knew him, but his smile never failed to mesmerize me. That's probably one of the things that I have constantly thought about but never considered to admit out loud.

"It's honestly more than enough that you're even here accompanying me today. I—my family... they're currently not here to celebrate with me." He averted his gaze and sighed.

It sounded like a lonely sigh, and at that moment I felt like I was feeling his sadness too. I wanted to pat his back and tell him that he had me to accompany him, but then I remembered when he dodged my hand from our first encounter and so I thought better of it.

Before I was able to think of something that could cheer him up, he pointed a finger at my phone and asked me to play any hiphop song from my playlist. I clicked on the shuffle button and Drake's "In My Feelings" played, to which Ten reacted with an "ohhhhhh" and his head started bobbing at the beat.

To say that I was in awe, baffled, thunderstruck, appalled and all other adjectives synonymous to those combined was an understatement. I used to only think that he's the most beautiful male with the most attractive smile that I have ever seen, but since that day, he earned another title that simply amplified my admiration for him.

It was amazing how he was completely in control of his body, how he had that sharpness and fluidity in every move, and it made me grin when I noticed how he was obviously enjoying what he was doing. Every move was solely flowing out of him on the spot, and yet there he was making everything seem so easy and rehearsed.

His dancing style had that certain elegance even for a hiphop freestyle; it wasn't too edgy nor too soft either. Everything looked balanced, and it stunned me to see him effortlessly switching and applying different intensities of hardness to his every move.

I must say that the dancer Ten in real life was definitely even better than the dancing Ten I saw in my dream.

I whistled as he continued to dance to the song, and when it ended, he requested for another one and hollered my name to join him. I wanted to refuse, but then I remembered that it was his birthday and so I gave in. I've never been so thankful for joining a dance club back in high school until that very moment.

At least I won't look that stupid in front of him.

"Hey! You never told me you dance!" His face lit up. I didn't know if he was impressed or he just simply didn't expect it, but either way it was nice to see him smiling.

"Err... you never asked me?" I mimicked his response to my question before.

"Well you got me there." He snickered. "Anyways! Do you want to learn a choreo so we can be in sync?"

"Sounds cool. Sure teach me."

"Okay so... put your left leg behind your right and do a quick spin." He demonstrated it to me before he proceeded with the next step. "Then tilt your body a bit to your right and do 3 consecutive body waves. Most of the action would really just come from your hips so your entire torso would just follow. Get it?"

I nodded.

"Good. Let's do it together then." Ten kept a few more distance between us to give me space. "Okay let's start. So spin—"

"Wait stop there's a rock!"

He was about to step on a small rock with his left foot that would've caused him to lose his balance but I grabbed his arm to stop him from stepping on it.

Except that his arm wasn't in my hand.

He was there standing upright, he was okay but I didn't feel his skin on my palm.

It was as if my hand went through a fog.

Like air.

He... was like air.

I stared at him with wide eyes, and when I saw his eyes looking back at me, it reflected the same emotions I was feeling. Shock, and perhaps, even fright.

I tried touching him again, and just like the first time, my hand just went through him. His arm wavered like a fog that was disturbed and later on came back to reform itself again. I was too stunned to say anything. I didn't know what to make out of it. I stared at him again and this time he was gazing at me with a sorrowful look in his eyes.

I felt scared. I felt like running away but I wanted to hear him explain. I didn't want to leave him alone. But everything was so confusing and chaotic and puzzling I couldn't think of a logical explanation for it.

Ten opened his mouth as if he was about to say something but closed it again. He sat on the ground and pulled his legs close to his chest, and rested the side of his head on his knees.

"I-I lied to you. Too many times. But please hear me out first before you decide to run away from me. Please."

I sunk on the stone seat in front of him but I didn't say anything. Whatever he was about to say frightened me, but it was better to know the painful truth than to continue being oblivious of it.

"I'm... I'm in a coma." He muttered under his breath. "The Ten you met 3 months ago up until this day is just my metaphysical form—that's what I figured out anyway. I-I got... I got into an accident. Autumn last year. I tried to save a kid who was walking across the road but I was hit by the car instead. That was the last thing I was able to remember until I saw myself lying on a bed inside a hospital room, and saw my parents crying. I was confused at first. I was there but they can't see me. They can't hear me. Even if I shout it out loud that I was there and that I was okay, they weren't able to register it."

"I couldn't speak with anyone else. I felt so alone and lonely. I lost the sense of time but the date and time on the nurses' station was the only thing that notified me of how long I have been wandering around aimlessly. But then I met another soul like me in the hospital. His name is Yuta. Just like me he was in a coma, but after a month, he woke up from his long sleep and again, I was alone. He still remembered me when he woke up but he couldn't see me anymore, and so he left me a note on our usual hang out place and said that he hopes I would wake up soon too. That was the last thing I heard from him before he left to go home."

Ten lifted up his head but he still didn't meet my eyes. Still, he went on, and I listened to him even though everything felt so surreal and it was a lot to take in.

"I decided to spend my time wandering around places. It pained me to see my family mourning while I couldn't do anything to reassure them and so I took some time away from the hospital. I figured that I couldn't interact and communicate with any sentient being no matter how much I try to. I tried leaving a note to my parents but it didn't work. But believe it or not I was able to travel around Seoul just by foot, and I guess the difference is that I don't get exhausted unlike when I had a body to carry around." He breathed out a lifeless chuckle.

"I have a friend from my dance crew—Mark. Way before the accident we found this place and we go here occasionally whenever we finish our rehearsals early. I eat ice cream with him here sometimes, and in some days we play the guitar and sing together. When I started wandering around Seoul, I decided to visit this spot again for the first time in winter. And then on my second day hanging around here... that was when I saw you."

The moment his story arrived at that point when he met me, everything suddenly made sense to me. His soundless arrival, his confusion when I was able to hear and see him, his clothes that remained the same, why he never gets cold, his wariness from having any physical contact with me, when he denied that he didn't have any phone to communicate with me—all of it led to one sensible explanation.

He's a ghost.

He's someone I shouldn't even see and yet I have established a friendship with him that was deep enough for me to even consider as one of the closest ties I have ever made.

"You must've been wondering why I was surprised when you were able to hear me back then. If it still hasn't occurred to you... you were the first and only person who was able to acknowledge my presence. I didn't know how but you have no idea how happy I felt that day. I never thought someone would finally see me."

A tear fell down on his cheek and I felt a pang of pain in my chest, his usual bright face was replaced by a look of melancholia that I wasn't used to. I wanted to reach out to hug him, my arms itched to envelope him in and my voice wanted to tell him I was sorry.

Sorry because I couldn't imagine how much loneliness he went through for the past months. Sorry because if I knew sooner, I would've stayed with him a little longer every time we meet. Sorry that I must've hurt him when he saw the horror on my face a few moments ago.

He immediately wiped his tears away and sniffed, but apart from that, a deafening silence swelled around us.

"You must have realized by now the lies I told you and truths behind them. The reason why I can't meet you up in any other place or I always refuse to take the food you would offer to me every time you come here with a snack. I didn't want people out there to think you're crazy when you're the only one who can see me. My family is here but I can't celebrate with them. All these truths I hid from you... they made me realize how selfish I was. I lied because I was afraid you would run away, that I would lose a friend, and I would be alone again." Ten closed his eyes and breathed out an audible sigh. "So I want to say I'm sorry and thank you, for being with me all this time, but I would understand if you decide to run away now."

The pain in my chest swelled and it felt like a punch in the gut when Ten even gave me the option to turn away from him. After hearing everything from him, it gave me a greater reason to stay with him, not out of pity, but because despite all the lies, I realized that he already meant so much to me more than I have ever acknowledged and I couldn't even bear the thought of letting what we had, him, go.

"I won't. I'm not leaving you." My voice came out rough but it surprised me how my tone sounded so firm. His head immediately snapped up and his eyes finally met mine, and this time he held onto it as he waited for me to go on. "Did you really think I would want to leave you after all this time? I understand why you did it hyung. Why you lied. I can't even imagine how lonely you were. But I promise I won't let you go through all this alone. I-I would even visit here everyday if I could and bring Coco with me if you want."

Ten brought his arm on his eyes to wipe away  the dampness on his face, and for a moment he seemed like a little kid who's trying to stop his tears from coming out. It tugged at my heart when I noticed a small smile forming on his lips, and I didn't know if what I said touched him or it simply lightened up his mood but either way I was happy he's finally smiling again.

"It's getting late you should go home."

"It's okay I can stay for a bit more." I shrugged.

"Okay."

I wanted to hug him so much it was frustrating.

God, why can't people hug ghosts.

"I'll walk you home then if you decide to go home already. Just... pretend I'm not there so you won't look crazy."

At that, I laughed but accepted his proposition, if that meant I could stay with him for a few more minutes.

 


	4. iii.

Days and days went by and it was as if I never knew I had befriended a ghost. I questioned my sanity and asked myself why I still kept on dropping by just to see him despite what I knew. Was it because he needed a friend? Or was I the one who longed for his presence? Maybe both?

But there was one answer I was sure of, and it's because our friendship was already difficult to let go.

Although a part of my brain still tried to talk sense out of me, the thought of having a friend that no one else could see isn't even far from having an imaginary friend.

What if he's really just a figment of my imagination? A friend that only my mind invented when I was feeling lonely? There were times I couldn't stop questions from running inside my head.

But it was absurd. I wasn't that desperately in need of a company the day I met Ten and I would've even called Johnny if I needed one, but in all honesty, I would say that his presence was definitely a huge bonus. A blessing even.

I visited the place almost everyday and spent time talking to him like before, and on days I wasn't extremely exhausted after class, Ten continued to teach me the dance that I failed to completely memorize, bit by bit. He knew my studies became even more stressful for me, not to mention that I had been busy studying for my exams too.

Although as soon as my exams ended, there I was again under Ten's supervision, and his annoyingly adorable cheeky self wouldn't let me live with my body waves that weren't as great as his.

"You're so stiff Jaehyun what the frick." He giggled.

"Says the one who can't do the shoot dance properly."

I wheezed when Ten shot a dagger glare at me. "If I could wack your head right now your head would look like a plateau I swear."

"That's not possible we're not Tom and Jerry. Skulls aren't flexible and it's not as soft as when we were born since they harden by the time we're teenagers. The seams between the bones fuse—"

"Ok stop stop you're giving me a headache." He gave me his "bitch what?" look while massaging his temple.

"Do ghosts even get headaches?"

"For fruit's sake Jaehyun stop taking things literally."

"You hate fruits why do you care about them."

"I—" He facepalmed. "You need help Jaehyun."

"I was kidding." I laughed at his exasperated reaction. It was really fun to tease him.

After rehearsing a bit more, we decided to sit at the edge of the cliff to take a break. I knew Ten doesn't get tired but he knew I was exhausted, and so he eventually called it off for the day and gave me the time to rest.

"Hey hyung?"

"Yeah?"

Ten leaned forward to dangle his arms on the railings as he swayed his legs back and forth. For a moment I silently stared at the planes and curves of his face, the orange glow of the sun softening his features which made him look a few years younger.

"I've been meaning to ask..." I started off cautiously. "...although if it's only okay with you... can I... can I visit you at the hospital?"

The question seemed to have surprised him, but he otherwise looked like he considered the thought. "Hospital? You want to visit me there?"

"Yeah... if—if only it's okay."

At that he smiled at me; it was that kind of smile he would usually give whenever there was something that touched him.

"Of course. I can take you there on Sunday if you want."

"I thought for a second you wouldn't agree to it." I grinned at him. "It's a plan then."

The smile didn't leave his lips when he nodded in agreement.

Silence enveloped us as we gazed at the horizon, the sky tinged with pink and orange hinting that the sun was about to set. There was something about his expression that I couldn't really read, although I had a hunch that he wanted to say something.

"Jae?"

"Hmm?"

Ten bit his lower lip. "Can you help me communicate with my family once we get there?"

My eyes widened when I progressed what he had just requested. The idea never occurred to me before and I felt stupid for not thinking about it before. If it meant I could help him speak to his family again, I didn't have to think twice before I decided to agree.

"Yes of course."

"I just... I really miss them. Please tell them that and let them know I'm okay and they should take care too."

I nodded. "I just hope they'll believe I can really see and hear you though. After all I'm the first right?"

"Oh right." He sniffed. "Yeah I hope so too. I wouldn't want you to be kicked out of the hospital or worse be brought to a mental institution. I wouldn't be able to help you out."

"Funny how I thought you're actually from a mental hospital when I first saw you."

"How nice." He commented, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "But anyways, thank you you're the best as always." He fake sobbed and opened his arms wide, as if I could really feel his embrace once I get caged in them. "I would hug you if only I could right now."

"Save it once you wake up. You already owe me hundreds of hugs."  
  
  


 

* * *

  
  
  
  


I was surprised and pleased at how I seemed to be performing better in my studies for the past months. Even Johnny took notice of it when he asked about my exam grades, and at home I didn't feel as gloomy as before.

It was like suddenly waking up the next morning feeling more optimistic than the night before. My fighting spirit felt like it was electrocuted back to life, and my mindset solely focused on what's waiting for me at the finish line. It also didn't affect me as much as it did before that my father still won't give a crap about my accomplishments, nor did I feel any sense of urgency to be in a relationship anytime soon.

"What changed?" Johnny suddenly asked me one day when we were on our way out of a cafe. I stared at him as if he said something stupid, although I couldn't help my lips from splitting into a smile as I sipped on the iced latte I bought. Why did I even smile? I didn't even know myself.

"That. I know that kind of smile." Johnny pointed an accusatory finger at me. "You're seeing a girl aren't you? What, is she pretty? Even prettier than Hyejin?"

"Just because I was smiling does it mean I'm already seeing someone? And to answer your question no hyung I'm not dating anyone."

"Who is it then?"

"Hyung I'm only seeing someone but not it's not that kind of " _seeing someone_ " concept you have in mind. I'm just literally seeing someone from time to time and he teaches me new choreographies."

"Wait hold up." His face morphed into a confused look and stopped on his tracks. "Did you just say "he"? Who is this? And choreography? Since when did you get into dancing again Jung Jaehyun?"

"A couple of months ago I guess? It's a long story."

"You owe me a lot of stories do you realize that? I need to meet this guy whoever he is soon."

"You will, when the perfect time comes."

"What the heck does that suppose to mean?"

I sprinted towards my car and waved at him goodbye. "I'll let you know once he agrees to meet with you."  
  


 

 

* * *

 

 

 

That day, Ten didn't seem like he was himself.

He was obviously less hyper, and he kept on spacing out from time to time in the middle of our conversations. I didn't know if he was just not in the mood to talk (which happens whenever he's feeling quite emotional or he just simply wants to have some time alone) but for some reason, I was getting a different vibe from him.

After awhile, I couldn't contain my worries anymore and asked if he was okay, and he blinked rapidly before he opened his mouth to speak.

"Jaehyun, I feel like I'm floating." He replied to me shortly after. His statement would've been funny to me if it weren't for the crease in between his eyebrows, as if he also wasn't quite sure of the sensation he was feeling.

"What do you mean?"

"Like  _floating_. I feel lightheaded, and I keep on hearing distorted voices and catching glimpses of images inside my head. Particularly from the day of the accident."

I felt my heart clench in pain from the mention of the said event. It was a topic we haven't touched since the day he told me the truth, and it felt like an unspoken agreement between us not to talk about it in order to avoid him from recalling such traumatic memory.

"You should go home for today Jae. I'm sorry I'm just really not quite myself right now. I'll just go... check on something. Please take care on your way home."

He swiftly stood up and staggered a bit, and I was about to hold his arm out of reflex, but then I remembered I cannot touch him at all. Ten watched as I reluctantly pulled my hand back, the look in his eyes difficult to read.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

He shook his head. "No it's fine. I'll be here tomorrow to pick you up just according to our plan okay?"

"Okay."

I watched as he jogged out towards the main road, and in a matter of seconds, he was out of my sight.

I went home wondering where he could've gone. I would've asked him, but if he really wanted me to know about his whereabouts, he would've told me the specifics without me asking. I thought that it was best not to pry further.

That night I fell asleep with a textbook resting on my stomach, although I pretty much wasn't able to concentrate with whatever I was reviewing when I couldn't stop thinking about how I'd feel the moment I finally get to meet Ten's physical body—the Ten who is tangible, the Ten I can touch.

I didn't know why there was that fluttering feeling inside my chest when I suddenly thought of finally having a chance to touch his arm and wrap my arms around him.

Sunday finally came and there I was waiting at our usual meet up place, a paper bag with a box of macarons inside dangling in my left hand. I didn't want to come empty-handed and so I hoped that it's something his sister or mother would at least like. A bouquet of flowers might seem too cheesy for a male friend, and a basket of fruits is definitely something Ten would scowl at.

It was past 3 pm and I started to wonder what was taking him so long to arrive. It was the first time I arrived there before him when I would always spot him already waiting for me after my dismissal. I wondered if he spent the night until this morning to wherever he went, and it must've been quite a long walk from this place.

I decided to wait for a little longer and kept myself preoccupied by getting back with my review from last night. Eventually, when the sun was already about to set and it became too dark for me to make out the words on my textbook, my patience grew thin and my wonder turned into worrying.

I went back home to eat dinner and came right back again, but still, there was no sign of Ten. I even reached the point when I thoroughly searched the entire vicinity surrounding the area in the hopes of spotting him simply wandering around, but then I came home disappointed.

And till the next day, when I dropped by to check on him twice right before my first and after my last class, he was still nowhere to be found.

And then the next day and the day after that passed by... the place remained lifeless without him.

I felt frustrated, but more so desperate to hear  _anything_  from him when it's unusual for him to disappear for more than a day. I felt slightly mad at Ten for not telling me he would disappear for a couple of days. I didn't even know when I could expect him to come back.

Of all days he started to stop showing up, it really had to be on the day when we're about to visit the hospital. Possibly my only lead to where his physical body is.

The other place where I could definitely find him in case I want to see him.

Perhaps if I miss him.

And I missed him.

I would be lying if I said that my days weren't completely dull without him.

The times I spent with him laughing and talking about life in general, his antics and silliness, his playful narcissism and sentimental side, I missed all of them.

Maybe that was the only time I realized how much he really meant to me already.

I felt lost. It occurred to me that if I couldn't find him at our usual hangout place, I really didn't know where else to find him.

I should've asked him where he was going. I should've asked him where the hospital is. I should've insisted to accompany him that day.

Stupid. Stupid.  _Stupid_.

To look for the hospital with my own efforts might be my only hope, and I really had no choice but to grab whatever chances I could get no matter how slim the probability is that I would succeed in finding him.

The idea somehow lifted up my spirits, and so I didn't waste more time and drove to back to my school, hoping that my professor could help me figure out how I could Ten.  


                                                                                     

 

* * *

  
  
  


"You're not serious, are you?"

"Hyung you know me well enough to know the answer to that. I don't joke around with serious matters like these."

Johnny gaped at me but didn't say anything further. I haven't told him yet about Ten and how I met him, and it confused him even more when I said that he's at a hospital and I needed his help to figure out which hospital it is.

I asked my professor—Dr. Kang—with how I could most likely find a patient confined in a hospital without knowing where exactly he is. Given with how I was completely clueless of the location, he told me that the only way I could find him was to call hospitals one by one and to inquire about Ten by his name. There were no other easier options than that, and so with the help from Johnny (whom I bribed with 5 sticks of fishcakes), we searched for all the contact numbers of hospitals in Seoul and started our search.

If there was one more thing that made this job harder for us, it would be pronouncing and spelling out Ten's full name in every call we had to make. At that moment I thanked the heavens for that day when Ten taught me how to pronounce his full name and dictated the spelling (which I was able to save in my phone's notes). If it weren't for that one occasion, it would otherwise be highly impossible for me to find him at all.

"Good morning this is the nurse's station how may I help you?"

"Oh um hello good morning." I croaked, the anxiety evident in my voice. "I'm currently trying to look for a patient who might be confined in that hospital. Is it possible if you could check the list of the admitted patients and see if his name is there?"

"Ah yes sir. May I know your relation with the patient?"

"I-I'm his friend."

"Could you please give me the name and the date of birth?"

"Yes. It's quite long so please bear with me. His name is Ten Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul. Ten like the number and Chittaphon is spelled as C-H-I-T-T-A-P-H-O-N." I paused for a moment, considering how overwhelming it must be for the nurse to possibly take it down quickly.

When I heard her cue to continue, I proceeded with his last name. "Last name is Leechaiyapornkul, spelled as L-E-E-C-H-A-I-Y-A-P-O-R-N-K-U-L. I'm sorry that was very long he's actually Thai. His date of birth is February 27, 1996."

"It's alright sir we've already had Thai patients before too. Please give me a minute I'll check the system and let you know if I find his name here." The female nurse kindly replied.

For a minute I heard the faint sound of her typing on the keyboard as I waited for her next reply. I crossed my fingers hoping she would find his name, while the awful feeling of anxiety continued to build up inside my stomach with every second that ticked by.

"Sir... I'm so sorry to say but I didn't find his name here. I tried searching if there are currently any patients of Thai nationality admitted here but so far there are only 2 of them and one is a 12-year-old male and the other is a 49-year-old female."

I sighed and closed my eyes shut.

Another hospital to cross out then.

"I see. Thank you very much for your help ma'am."

My eyes met Johnny's across the table as soon as I hung up on the call, the expectant look in his face gradually faltering when he saw my crestfallen expression.

"Jae we've called about 18 hospitals already. Are you sure he's really in Seoul? What if he was admitted in Busan? Or somewhere else in Korea?"

"It can't be."

I was pretty confident about it.

Ten only told me about the places that can be found in Seoul.

_Because he only mentioned about walking around Seoul the moment he stepped out of the hospital._

I wanted to tell Johnny that. Although I knew it would require me to explain everything to him and I was too exhausted to do so.

"You need to rest man. There are still around 20+ hospitals here on the list and we can't possibly cover these all today. We still have classes tomorrow remember?"

"I know. Let me just... maybe call 3 more."

He breathed out an exasperated sigh and passed a hand across his face. "You're so persistent. This boy seems really special to you for you to be this determined to find him." With his left hand, he pushed a cup of coffee in front of me and gave my back a pat with the other.

"Okay go ahead, sorry I really need some rest please just wake me up if you get anything okay? Goodnight Jae."

"Okay. Thanks hyung."

I waited for him to enter his room before I stared down at the paper in front of me, the sloppy scribbles of numbers (with some already crossed out) looking fuzzy after straining my eyes from staring at them for the nth time.

Here goes nothing.

But I hope fate would be at my side this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will post the epilogue soon!


	5. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been trying to upload this chapter for about a week already but seems like the site had some problems. Thank God I finally managed to upload it now! So sorry for taking so long but I hope you'll like it!

_For some reason I found myself at a strange, vast place. I was walking across a field, the grass partly dried out from the mild drought caused by the heat of summer. The place seemed totally unfamiliar yet it felt as if I have at least seen it before._

_Perhaps when I was a child I did, that's what I thought._

_At some point, I was abruptly pulled back by a force that I couldn't see. Then I noticed a thin string wrapped around my pinkie, yet I couldn't feel it on my skin. My eyes tried to trace where it was coming from, only to see that its length went as far as crossing the entire field with its other end disappearing among the cluster of trees at the opposite side._

_If there was one element that I found the most intriguing, it was that red string attached on my fifth digit._

_I tried to remove it, but the string was simply going through my hand as if it was just an image from a projector._

_Eventually I decided to follow the trail, curious of what I would see at the other end._

_It didn't take me that long before I managed to fully cross the field. The moment I made it through the cluster of trees, I found myself facing a road that I finally could recognize. The end of the string was still nowhere to be seen, but I felt my brows scrunch in confusion when I noticed that it was looped around the pole of a road sign._

_I went near to inspect closely, and a strange neon green note was stuck on it, with the words written in sloppy Hangul,_

_"This is a clue. Hurry up and find me Jae."_  
  
  


My eyes flew open at the sound of my alarm blaring.

I woke up with a stiff neck that brought sharp pain with every minimal movement, and I couldn't help but wince as I gradually tried to tilt my head upright. Turns out I spent the entire night sitting on the couch, and exhaustion didn't even allow me to make it to the guestroom before I immediately passed out.

I was pretty sure I had a dream.

Yet I couldn't understand what it meant.

If by some chance it  _did_  mean something.

My mind could recall the intensity of stress I had to endure the night before, and it made me question myself if I should still persist on looking for him. I felt tears starting to prickle at the back of my eyes, the anxiety that once settled in my stomach eventually unfurled out like a wildfire inside my body. I felt so lost and my mind was restless.

I just wanted to give up and allow myself to rest.

Thinking about it, the search seemed hopeless and I wasn't going anywhere.

Why was I trying so hard?

Maybe I've been holding onto him more than I should be.

I wondered if he got tired of hanging out with me.

I wondered if my company wasn't enough to make him happy.

After all, some of my asshole classmates back in high school even said I had no personality. Maybe it's true. And maybe Ten got tired of me.

But maybe I was worrying too much. Maybe he's finally awake now. Maybe he'll come back to see me again.

Those were the only possibilities I could think of, although I refused to consider that one idea that could simply rule out every other possibility once my mind chooses to latch onto it.

I couldn't afford to think of the worst when all I had was hope.

If I don't manage to find him, I told myself to believe that he's coming back. And by that time, he would be able to reunite with his family, create more choreography and finally visit places outside Seoul. And if he would love the idea, I would bring him to an ice cream parlor and treat him buckets if he wants to eat as much.

The idea stirred a slight ache in my chest, and I smiled to myself knowing that he wouldn't even hesitate to say yes if it meant he gets to eat one of his most favorite food in the world.

I felt silly after realizing that I have subconsciously made plans in my head while thinking about the places he might like to visit. But without him, it felt like there was no point in checking them out. Perhaps I wouldn't even see the beauty in them if he isn't there with me to begin with.

A weak knock on my car's window disrupted my trail of thought, and that was when I only realized that I stopped my car right beside the place I first met Ten.

I rolled down my window and saw an old woman outside, her face partly hidden by a shawl. I must say she looked really familiar to me, yet I still couldn't point out where I had seen her before.

But the moment she asked the same question from our first encounter, it finally triggered something in my memory that made me remember.

It's  _her_.

The old lady I've seen before.

She strangely looked the same or even younger as compared to how she appeared from my last memory of her.

I handed her one of my pack of biscuits stored inside my car's glove compartment, and she gratefully took it with her shaking hands. Somehow I was thankful that I at least had something to offer, or it would've made me felt regretful.

"You looked like you were thinking about something deep. Is there something bothering you?"

"I— it was nothing really serious." I gave out a wry smile.

"I'm glad that you really pursued your dream. Just as expected you have eventually met your other half."

"I'm sorry?"

"You must've dreamt about something. Look closely and you'll see a clue."

I've been aware since then that she's quite a peculiar woman, but her words by that moment were even scarier than what she told me before. Now she sounded more specific, as if she really knew who Ten is.

"I don't understand—"

"Find him. He's probably waiting for you now."

 _Him_? What she talking about Ten?

At that she slowly turned and started walking away, and I couldn't contain my frustration as new questions started to arise in my head.

"Please! If you're talking about Ten, where can I find him?" I pleaded out loud. At that point I was already out of my car, a little hesitant to run after her, but I was sure she could still hear me so I chose not to approach her further.

"Your dream. He must've left something for you."

Left something for me.

What was it?

It's funny how it felt like I was trying to solve a case like Sherlock, and I never thought there would come a time I would have to look into something so hard, much less a  _dream_ that can literally mean nothing to scavenge for clues.

I was about to open my mouth to plead for the old lady to stay a little longer when it finally clicked—

The red string.

The note on the road sign.

His note.

And just as how she left 7 years ago, she mysteriously disappeared and left me with more unanswered questions.

But at that point, the only thing that mattered to me the most was to find Ten, and I could only silently thank her for helping me figure out the clue he left in my dream.  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


"I don't know what compelled you to start to believe that a dream could actually mean something in real life to the point you have to sneak and—" I shot Johnny a death glare. "—but I yes... actually yes you're right of course it can mean something! Pfft stupid Johnny stop blabbering nonsense."

His sudden change of heart almost made me laugh out loud but I didn't want him to think I was just messing with him.

Johnny still looked a bit skeptic about the entire situation but followed me regardless, and for a moment I thought of how grateful I was he didn't choose to turn his back away from me. I barely supplied him with any information, but thankfully, he chose not to pry any further apart from him asking me if Ten is cute.

"This is it right?"

"I think so." I muttered under my breath.

The road exactly looked like how I remembered it both from my memory and in my dream, but this time, there's no red string. Of course there wouldn't be.

I felt my heart pounding inside my chest the closer I got to the road sign, the feeling of excitement, fright and anxiousness all sending my nerves go haywire.

Although the moment I finally came close to the sign, I felt all my hopes slowly slipping away.

There was no red string.

 _Of course_  the note would also be non-existent.

Why did I even think I'd see a stupid neon green note stuck on a road sign? I was fully aware he couldn't communicate with any sentient being. He even failed to leave a letter to his parents, so what would make me so special?

"Hey hey." I felt Johnny tapping my back relentlessly.

"Hyung there's no note."

"I know, but stop sulking will you? Check the sign. Maybe that could lead you to something."

And I did as told, only to feel my eyes widen a few seconds later.

"Holy frick hyung..."

Of course that was what Ten meant.

That was why a note was stuck  _on_  the road sign.

The road sign  _is_  the clue.

"Holy shit you're brilliant..." I trapped him in a headlock and tried to kiss his cheek but he immediately dodged it while yelling at me. "I swear if this would lead us to Ten I will treat you dinner and soju."

At that he perked up and smirk, as if he's 100% sure it's going to be a win-win situation for us.

"You better fulfill that because I'm pretty confident this road sign is the answer to your prayers. Now let's go before the sun sets."  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


"We're here."

A series of buildings loomed before us and it made me feel momentarily dazed and lost.

_So what now, Jaehyun? Where do you start looking for him?_

"Jae I think I have a friend who works in this hospital. A family friend. Let me call him then I'll pass it to you."

After a minute or two, he finally handed me his phone and softly muttered, "just greet him, his name is Taeil."

"Thanks hyung."

I took a deep breath before plucking the phone from his hand, the feeling of unsettling nervousness back inside my stomach.

"Um, hello good afternoon." I tried to make my voice sound as pleasant as possible. "I apologize if I'm interrupting you in the middle of anything—"

"Jaehyun right? It's alright! I'm really not into anything right now. Just on standby at the nurse's station." He chuckled. "Anyways I'm Taeil! How may I help you?"

I told him about Ten. His nationality and all other information I shared when I made the same phone call the past 2 days.

I bit on my lip as I waited patiently for him, the anxiety growing with every second that ticked by. This is the last straw of hope that I have left, and if it turns out that Taeil still couldn't find him—

"I found something!" It made me jump a little when Taeil suddenly spoke again with a high, enthusiastic voice.

He found something?

Did I just hear that right?

"W-what is it?" I asked nervously. I could feel my palm sweating.

"Patient Leechaiyapornkul. East Wing 4th floor. Room 407." Then he paused. "Ah right sorry! You probably feel a little lost the compound is pretty huge. Go to the second building from the right if you're facing the fountain near the parking lot. The building is pretty easy to navigate and you can ask around if you can't find the room."

I couldn't believe it.

I finally have a substantial lead to him.

"Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this means to me. Once again thank you."

"No worries! Glad to be of help."

"What is it? Any good news?" Johnny stared at me with an expectant look on his face as I handed him back his phone. It didn't take him that long to know the answer when he saw the look of disbelief and joy on my face, the silent reply too obvious for him to misunderstand.

By the time I was jogging towards the building, I couldn't really seem to remove the grin that had formed on my lips ever since I ended the call. I silently hoped that Ten's finally conscious and talking, because—as cheesy as it sounds—only God knows how much I missed hearing his chirpy voice and lighthearted laughs. All the hours and days I dedicated searching for him, and the sleepless, worried nights I spent thinking about him felt like they were immediately replenished just by the thought of finally seeing him. A part of my brain still questioned my heart why his absence affected me this much, but maybe this time (though I'm still too afraid to admit), I can finally say I know why.

Johnny and I tried to catch our breaths by the time we made it to the lift. Luckily, an old man was kind enough to hold the elevator button from the inside to wait for us. By the time we reached the 4th floor, it was true enough that the room was easy to find.

I held my shaking hands together as my gaze landed on the words on the door.  
  


_Room 407_  
_Ten Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul_  
_Dr. Park Shin Young_  
  


"Excuse me, are you Tenten's friend?" I heard a soft voice inquire behind me.

I turned to face the owner of the voice, and in front of me stood a woman with a warm, welcoming smile. I simply nodded, a little stunned upon hearing her referring to Ten with the nickname his family would usually call him.

She's a petite woman around her mid fifties, possibly even younger, yet she still possessed that soft and delicate beauty that strangely reminded me of Ten.

"Please do come in!"

She twisted the knob and opened the door wide for us, and the events right after that felt like it all happened in slow motion.

A boy—probably a few years younger than me —was standing beside the hospital bed, eating chips while laughing with the boy who was resting on the bed. His face was completely hidden from my view but it wasn't hard to recognize him when the familiar sound of his laughter filled the room.

Even if his hair looked longer than the last time I saw him, I knew.

It's him.

The reason why I was there nervous and wild-eyed.

The reason why I sneaked from my last class.

The reason why my brain was restless the past few days.

"You're so pathetic do you think you'll pass college that way?" I heard him cackle out loud.

"Ten! You have a visitor."

"Ma? Who is—" He turned from the sound of the woman's—his mother's—voice, and the moment his eyes landed on me, he broke off and stayed frozen.

It went uncomfortably silent inside the room for a minute. There's just us staring at each other not really knowing what to say, while the rest were blinking in confusion, but I was too focused on Ten that I failed to pay much attention to them.

The boy beside him was the first to break the silence, and suggested that the rest of those inside the room should come out for a while to give us both some time alone.

I felt Johnny's hand on my back before he left with the boy and Ten's mother, and in a matter of seconds, the door closed shut and there was only the two of us left inside the room.

"Hi." I managed to croak out.

"Hi..."

 _I missed hearing your voice_ , I wanted to tell him.

"Do you... remember me?"

_I missed you._

Ten smiled at me then bit his lip. "Of course. How could I forget you."

I felt something stir inside my chest and I wasn't sure if it was out of joy or sadness.

Perhaps it was both. Seeing him makes me want to smile and cry at the same time.

"How long have you been awake?"

"About 5 days I think..."

I only nodded in reply.

"Please... take a seat—"

"Ten..." This time I couldn't hold it in any longer, and my vision blurred as I finally released the tears I've been holding back for quite some time. "Why didn't you come back?"

He stared at me with a sad look in his eyes, and I had to fight the urge to just simply hug him tight and make sure he's real.

"That day when I wasn't feeling well..." He paused. "I went back to check on what was happening to my body. My physical body. I knew something was going on. There was a shift. But I was afraid I might be having seizure attacks or that I was truly dying so I didn't want to bring you along, I didn't want you to see that."

"When I came here my headache became more severe and I didn't even make it to the room before I lost consciousness. Or that was how it felt, and the next thing I knew was that I was lying on the hospital bed, and I heard Mark screaming for my mom, and my mom went over to hug me while crying. I couldn't believe it, I was back. And I could hug my mom back. When they took the tube out of my mouth I was able to talk to them again, and they can finally hear me."

"As soon as the doctors finished checking up on me I told Mark I wanted to leave and look for you. I wanted to fulfill my promise and to show you I am finally okay. But the doctors wouldn't let me go yet and I could only hope you weren't worrying too much about me. I'm sorry I failed to fulfill my promise Jae. I'm... sorry if I made you worry." Just like how I completely looked like a wreck at that moment, tears started to fall down his face and it pained me to see him that way.

"I thought I already lost you..." I whispered.

As if by instinct I leaned to wipe his tears away with my thumb, and as soon as I felt his arms around my shoulders, I finally didn't try to hold back the urge to hug him.

He's  _real_.

I couldn't believe I could finally touch him.

It's the best feeling in the world when you thought that you lost an important person in your life but now they're finally in your arms, breathing and alive.

We stayed that way for a moment, just me sobbing on his shoulder and muttering "it's okay I already found you" as he continued to silently cry while his face was buried on my chest. When he lifted up his head, his hands clutched my head and placed a soft kiss on my forehead, and for the first time since he went missing, I felt flustered and embarrassed once again.

"What was that for?" I asked him. I slowly broke away from the hug to properly look at his face.

"A silent thank you and it's my way of saying you're important to me."

I was pretty sure he could already notice the color on my ears and cheeks by then. "Can I tell you something?"

"Of course. Anything."

"I hope you won't hate me for this but..." I sucked in a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

"Hyung, I think... I like you. A lot. And before you misinterpret or joke about it no... don't say of course it's already a given when you're my friend because that's not what I meant."

It was then his turn to fall silent and look stunned, and it made me shift uncomfortably on my seat when his eyes made me feel like they were burning holes through my soul. I couldn't believe I just confessed like that, but it made me even more nervous when there is a possibility that my feelings might ruin our friendship.

I was mentally preparing myself for the possible rejection I might get as a reply when he said the words that made me grin like a fool.

"Are you kidding?" He took a glance at the door when his voice came out loudly, and I couldn't help but chuckle nervously at his cuteness. "I thought... it had always been one-sided. I mean I never thought you'd look at my direction when there was Hyejin and I was merely a ghost and—"

"Hyung? Oh my god shut up I said what I said." I bit my lip. "And did you just mention about having one-sided feelings?"

"I did. Jung Jaehyun I like you too, you idiot."

"Holy shit." I gaped at him before laughing out loud. Everything felt like it was all falling into place and it felt too good to be true.

He's alive and he likes me back. I couldn't ask for anything more.

"Can I also tell you something?"

"Anything." I smiled at him.

"Okay." He cleared his throat and stared at his hands that were clutched together in front of him. "This might sound crazy but there's one thing I have never told you about. I met a lady—just like you—when I was 19, and she told me there would come a time when I would feel lost and helpless but there would be a certain someone who will save me from it. She called that person my  _other half._ My soulmate. And she said I'll know that person is the one when he or she has the sight that no one else does. In that case, it reminded me of you."

I felt appalled by his last statement. "Me? Why me?"

"The sight... you were the only living person who managed to see me. Apart from the lady that is. But I had a feeling she's some sort of deity when we're both clueless and confused of how she knows these things and disappears so fast." He scrunched his nose. "But yeah... that didn't came into my mind until the day we talked about soulmates and I was starting to... um... like you." His voice faltered at the last two words.

"Soulmates huh... who would have thought we would find each other on the day I was feeling down."

"If you didn't pursue your dream and your father didn't react that way we probably wouldn't be here facing each other right now."

"Are you saying I had to go through that so I could meet you?" I chuckled.

"You can say that. It was like a blessing in disguise isn't it?" He pointed a finger at me. "Hey don't even deny."

"I wasn't saying anything!"

Ten shook his head and laughed.

We momentarily stopped talking and gazed at each other silently, and I smiled to myself knowing that it wouldn't be the last time I'd be able to look at him that way.

"Hey Jae... when I'm finally out of here, can you take me somewhere? Anywhere is fine."

I took his hand in mine, and it made my heart flutter when he entwined his fingers and held my hand tightly. "Does an ice cream parlor and a street art exhibit sound good enough for you?"

"Did I just hear ice cream and art in one sentence? Heck yeah." He flashed me his brightest smile. "Oh and one more thing..."

"Hmm?"

"Please please stop calling me hyung. I like... hearing you call my name. And for heaven's sake I just confessed and asked you out so please drop the honorifics."

If there was one thing he never really failed to do, it was to amuse and make me laugh from time to time. And perhaps, that's one of the things that made me grow fonder of him.

"You don't even have to ask twice Ten."

 

**END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I apologize for taking so long to update! College has been extremely stressful for me most especially now that most of my subjects are majors. I know this fic isn't that great and it may be pretty obvious that it's my first time to write one with a male/male pairing so I really struggled a little on the ending. I'm sorry if the ending seemed rushed too and it didn't meet your expectations ;;;; But thank you so much for all the reads, comments and kudos they really motivated and made me smile! I hope you enjoyed and loved this fic despite all the inconsistencies and plot holes I missed to expound further and failed take note of. English also isn't my first language so I apologize for all the typos and grammatical errors.
> 
> Hopefully this wouldn't be the last jaeten fanfic I'll ever write! I really had fun writing this and it's very fulfilling that I atleast managed to contribute something to the jaeten tag. Since I also noticed how most jaeten fics have smut content in them, I wanted to write something with more fluff and angst in it and to focus on the build up of their relationship (which I hope I successfully managed to do ;;;;)
> 
> If you're reading this and you have made it this far, once again thank you so much for taking time to read my fic! Comments would be very much appreciated I'd really want to know what you think :)

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are very much appreciated! You may also leave them on my [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/senosyne) acc ❤️


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